i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
