Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Randomize
