remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Plan B is the new Plan A
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize