The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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