You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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