I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
They took my balls.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
