Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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