I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
True college students do jello shots in the library
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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