DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
