M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize