Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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