that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
