DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
