I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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