Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
