get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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