I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
