I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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