ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
