...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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