I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
