I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
