Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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