Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
