Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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