come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
