Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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