its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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