stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Need sex. Gaining weight.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I have feelings that need drinking.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
