Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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