mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
