I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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