why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
sarcasm needs its own font
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
