your thong is hanging out like whoa
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
