I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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