dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
