i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
