If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
