Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
