i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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