my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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