i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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