yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Randomize
