i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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