My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
