Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
