I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
