I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
