omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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