By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
