Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
