I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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