Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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