Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
