Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
