Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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