you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
