I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
