i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
