He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
