Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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