paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize