i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
