just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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