porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
