Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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