if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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