I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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