I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
