You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
