so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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