I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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