Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
sarcasm needs its own font
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
