Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
