i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
