i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i've created a new STD.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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