We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize