I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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