so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
