It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
