i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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