I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
