so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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