I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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