I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
