I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
