clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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