Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
