He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So gin and wine won't be happening again
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Randomize
