My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
