I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
