wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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