How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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