He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
