where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
