Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
