just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
how drunk are you?
Several
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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