I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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